Pasta doesn’t make you fat. How much pasta you eat makes you fat. – Giada De Laurentiis
From an young age I became intrigued by fashion but it’s not exactly an healthy environment for a teenager’s self-esteem. Models looking flawless, claiming that skinny life equals happy life. Gay designers that don’t want to embrace natural female bodies. Photoshop.
Around this period every lifestyle magazine starts publishing ” how to get your summer body asap,” which implies that every women needs to lose weight in order to look good in swimwear.
As a child I used to be chubby till the age of six or seven. I was the kinda person that didn’t knew what she wanted to do in life, so I tried all kinds of hobbies. Horseback riding, swimming, theatre, drawing lessons, photography….Everyday another pastime. It kept me busy, driven and inspired.
Skinny equals pretty
Days filled and weight maintained. So I didn’t bother about weight. When puberty hit and I didn’t had my size XS, I became aware of weight, shapes and sizes. Somehow Western society thought us that skinny is an synonym for good looking.
There is this side that of me that wants to eat whatever I want and sees food as an experience, a joyful moment. Not an need but a hobby. A way of filling gaps. Not looking after the calories and just going with the flow no matter what the consequences are. When I start with one cookie it will end up with not knowing what happened with whole package. The hedonism way of seeing life. As long as my needs are filled. Afterwards I feel guilty of the “overload of food” that I’ve been stuffing myself with.
On the other hand there’s “wanting control” that takes over. Unconsciously counting calories and telling myself that I will get fat if I eat certain food and fat is bad. That food is only an necessary activity in life. That an big amount is disgusting. Overeating leads to losing control and losing grip over life. I shouldn’t eat in the afternoon because I will sleep anyway. Drinking a lot of water till I’m full. “It’s scientific proven that successful women are skinny”. I will be happier when I’m skinnier. Obsessing over skinny-tumblr models. Adoring bones and tight-gaps. Scrolling on Instagram, seeing all my fellow bloggers, rocking outfits. Having nice bodies. Saying to myself that I cannot wear a certain type of clothing if I don’t obtain this certain weight. After I while, I’m just disgust by food and I rarely eat.
For the past few years it has been a pattern from over- and under eating. From anorexic and seeing bones, wanting a tight-gap to binge-eating and having fat rolls. Black or white no in between. From being ashamed to see my bones receiving comments like “ you’re getting skinnier and skinnier it’s not healthy”, to chubbiness and “ did you gain weight”. An internal battle, without knowing what I was up against.
From Mcdo to McNO
The moment that I realize I got chubby due an unhealthy amount of fast food I avoid carbs and sugar. Only eat vegetables drink a lot of water and skip meals. Without planning, it’s automatic. After this crash diet I only crave the opposite.
Does the fashion industry contribute to this body obsession and madness? Yes. Is it wholly their fault ? No. Even if they romanticise skinny like Moss, it also depends on the person and how they react to it. Teenagers will more likely be sensitive to the “ideal body” due the identity crisis they’re situated in.
Skinny is pretty
Personally I don’t think we should ban skinny models, especially not those who are born with “ good” genes and don’t starve themselves. When I see tall, skinny models on the catwalk parading with beautiful clothing. It makes me dream. Luxury labels are to many, something they cannot afford but like to own. It’s unique, classy. If there would be more diversity in shapes and size, the brand would became more accessible because people could personify with the models. That would take away the inaccessibility that comes with the fashion world.
To me some clothing looks better on skinny people. There’s nothing wrong with working out and, eating healthy and obtaining your current weight. If you wear a mini-skirt and fat rolls are appearing. That disgusts me. Too much of something isn’t healthy.
Ban size zero
But on the other the media and fashion industry needs to make people aware that not everyone can have a tight gap because some people’s bone structure are different and having a size zero won’t guarantee happiness. When Anna Wintour banned size zero, I saw that as a positive progress. It’s not about how much you weight but how you feel mentally. That number on the scale doesn’t defy you and if you’re not happy about it change it!
Less on the gram
I said to myself I’m going to reduce my time on social and stop comparing my self with others but here are some fun, bloggers that keep it real who really inspire me in life:
What I like about Christine is that she is deadly honest on her socials. Sarcastic but I can appreciate that, her photograph and outfits are always a piece of art. The poetry she writes is salvation for those who yearn meaningful stories and she’s a outgoing, lovely person in real life.
The moment I met this girl in Knokke, she was full of banter. Outgoing spontaneous, not the usual arrogant type of blogger. She’s so upfront but funny at the same time. They way she puts outfits together is just sublime.
Drink green, feel clean
Being skin over bone isn’t healthy nor being that fat that you have breathing problems. I strive to eat healthy, drink a lot of water and when I’m really inspired work out! I have to admit I’m still learning to accept the way, I am.
Trying to live a balanced life. But aren’t we all? Surrounding myself with people who tend to be real and honest.
Personally, the best way to start the day is with a smoothie. Not so long ago I received the avance blender from Philips. Easy way of making on the go, vitamine boosters. After a few secondes it’s mixed. I’m a big fan of the combo: spinach, banana’s and milk. A few years ago I tasted a “ detox” smoothie with: celery, apple and cucumber. Really highlights your day and you’ll have enough energy. I’m a person who has problems with having breakfast, it could take two hours before I have an appetite due morning sickness. Beside when I have a smoothie. I can digest that immediately.
3 gedachtes over “Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels”
Lovely personal story. I believe a lot of girls have the same struggle. And keeping it real is good. Being comfortable with yourself is key, no numbers on that scale can measure that. Thanks for this great post Tara.
LikeGeliked door 2 people
You are beautiful when you are healthy,not when you are skinny.Trust me.And I hope you don’t starve yourself anymore,you don’t deserve to do that to yourself.Lots of love,keep blogging
LikeGeliked door 1 persoon
You’re right being healthy is the key 💗 Have a nice day
LikeGeliked door 1 persoon